Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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