Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
