is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
