The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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