I look better un-naked...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
