just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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