It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
