Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
