So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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