it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
