why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
