just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
