do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
