guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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