this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
