This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
