Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
