I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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