I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
