I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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