Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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