it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
