why didn't you poke me back
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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