just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
