we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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