I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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