Your tits are I can't wait for
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
