is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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