I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
