My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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