These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
