4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
