i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
