oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
