I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize