It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
