Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
