"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
