I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
