The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
