Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
