Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
