i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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