a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
