I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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