This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
