hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
