Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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