my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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