I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
