Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
