I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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