This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
