The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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