New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
