fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
