I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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