I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
