She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
