Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
