letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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