hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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