im drinking this country out of the recession.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
