He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Randomize