I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
