she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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