i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
