My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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