Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
