we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
