My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
In America we eat man semen.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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