God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
