honey bunches of taint.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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