Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
