We're facebook friends in real life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
