I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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