shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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