You can't special order awesome
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
