Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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