Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
