Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
